Just Add Brains

As I've gotten older, I've become less critical about most things. I've become more lenient, more forgiving and more apathetic.

And I need to be honest before I lead you on this journey through 3 seasons of weird food. One thing I’m definitely not critical about is food. The only thing I have less refined taste in is wine. I’ll drink anything. Three buck chuck so old it gained carbonation----I call that champagne.

Every once in awhile, I reconsider: Why does Green Day all of a sudden not suck as much. It’s the same music, the same chords. Why am I not eating Tatsu for every meal?In reverse order...I’m poor, and I’m happier. I like enjoying things in spite of my inner critic. Art is art after all. It shouldn’t be judged. And as for Tatsu...the ramen place on Sawtelle with an hour wait that I believe cooks their noodles in actual human souls for enriching flavor----neither the time, nor the money. So I’m learning to cook.

This brings me to episode one. Pilot. Instant noodle taste test. Something the 99% understands. And remember...I’m not a critic.

First round: the ‘just add boiling water’ cups. Now, even given these incredibly simple directions, I still managed mistakes. I ripped the lid on every package---design flaw, really. When I tried to ‘close the lid securely and let stand’ none of them closed. I weighed it down with tupperware, but the noodles may not have cooked sufficiently. Maruchan was still chewy when I took my first bite, but maybe that’s my fault.

Turns out, I am very critical of these containers...so maybe I don’t have post-traumatic ennui! Every lid gets 0 out of 5.

Nissan beats Maruchan by a hair in the noodle department. Nissan has by far the best noodles, best texture. Still shitty instant noodle. The added veggies---I’d say 1 out of 5, not great, but edible.

Now, for Dr. McDougalls---the over-priced vegan noodles with organic ramen----tastes like whole grain spaghetti that has been overcooked and distintegrates in your mouth like soggy cardboard, with a hint of chicken flavor, but mostly it tastes like spaghetti water. It does however, have the best veggies. Almost tastes like it isn’t freeze-dried.

My second round was a complete reversal! Maruchan had the best frickin' noodles in it's large Yakisoba microwave thing, making me think that I did undercook them in the tiny container. It's new Roast chicken flavor comes with ramen seasoning rather than chicken soup seasoning. I think it's time I learn about spices...

The Nissan larger bowl tasted like the small microwaveable cup. Shitty instant noodle. Good in a hurry, but nowhere else.

PRO TIP TIME: Next time you cook ramen or instant noodles, chop up your own veggies to lightly boil. If this isn't your first ramen rodeo, soft boil an egg or two, it'll transform top ramen into seemingly restaurant-ordered ramen! If this is your first rodeo...crack an egg into the pot while cooking your ramen. Same result, the egg just looks slightly different.

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So revising my previous statement---I can be critically, but when it comes to shoving things down my food-hole, hunger wins out. I may criticize, but I will still digest.

As for today. I feel sick. What I like about the pilot is the post-traumatic ennui line. Mostly because I took high school french, and think “HEY! I KNOW THAT WORD!”, but also, what do you do when life is meaningless? When your fiance moves on and your mom has had too much botox but still chooses to judge YOU? I mean, when you get a glimpse to the afterlife and all you get is visions of dead hookers and hot sauce. Definitely my punk band name---hookers and hot sauce.

Giving up seems easy. It’s way easier than being an “unstoppable force”. And now you know why I started this blog. I’m working through my ‘post-college-lethargy’. This is why I love TV. Right now, I go through life. I clock in 8 hours and care about menial things, then I go home, make a cocktail and do the dishes. I feel like I’ve earned my chill time. I try not to plan for the next day at work. I try to get through my to-do list, pay my bills. If it’s a good day, I carve out time for my ‘career-hobby’. Now...if I got bit by a zombie, a vampire, or whisked away in a blue box...I’d have a purpose. I’d have to pick which particular cult to belong to and spend the rest of my days surviving and participating in living-dead-gang-wars. I wouldn’t have to think about whether my job was fulfilling or what to do next.

I’d solve crimes. There would only be one a week. I wouldn’t worry about my paychecks, just next week’s outfits. There’s freedom in death. Not to get all goth or Tyler Durden on you---but there’s a simplicity, and life is complicated. I have to make decisions based on the moment, the future and try to be happy.

Here’s the tunes I like from the episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxaQe977ZoA