No more misery mudslide

This episode Liv drinks a smoothie of day-old brains. I will not be leaving meat out for days and then blending it into a "breakfast of champions"

I will be making mudslides!

It's been a week, I say, as if that's my excuse to drink. As if I wait for one.

There's not a whole lot you can do to make an innovative mudslide. I found a Bailey's flavored syrup to use, and opted to use more rum rather than cutting it with kahlua and Baileys. Plus, I didn't want it to be too sweet.

So, RUM, Bailey's Syrup, Ice and Vanilla Ice Cream. It was party-approved!

Quick thoughts on the episode:

Hey let's guess who the murderer is! It's that guy taking a selfie with the corpse!

Also, as you can see in the title, this is first time I've noticed that Ravi's username is "Arf Vader", favorite!

Here’s a story that’s true. And cathartic.

I went outside on a beautiful fall morning to find my car window smashed in.

It was one of those moments when you see something in the distance and know something isn’t right. Like when your mom calls to tell you someone’s in the hospital and you can hear it in the ring before you even answer the phone.

I saw my car from a distance and wondered if I left the window rolled down. Which seemed odd. And then I noticed the chunks of glass everywhere. It doesn’t crack so much as crumble like pieces of a shower door. Although I’m sure a shower door wouldn’t shatter like that. And it’s green. For some reason it turns green.

My immediate thoughts were to my BB-8 car charger, which is adorable, and by far the most valuable thing in my car. And it’s still there.

Yes, my stomach sinks when I realize what is missing...a bag in which I had some work notebooks and audiobooks. The audiobooks were given away free at a writer’s conference I attended, so they were worth money, but not my money. By work notebooks, I mean children’s school work. I’m not going to explain my job right now, but I’m wishing I could see the theif’s face when he (or she, let’s be fair) realized he (or she) stole HOMEWORK!

I like to think it was some down and out parent who could know teach their children science and engineering.

I think to myself, I wish they would have just asked for those audiobooks. I would have given them away! You didn’t have to destroy my window.

And the most frustrating part of my day follows. Filing an insurance claim.

I shouldn’t call roadside assistance because I don’t need roadside assistance. The contact button for my insurance goes to an online chat with a robot who gives me a series of options, none of which seem like they describe my situation. It finally gives me a number which insists on using “wi-fi calling”. Which of course doesn’t work because I’m outside.

I end up calling roadside assistance. Which again has a robotic menu. It asks me if I’m in a safe area, and if not I need to move to a safe area to wait for assistance.

Well, I thought I lived in a safe area….are you telling me to move?

The phone call is aggravating and there are people walking by. I curse their lack of sympathy, but only later realize how many times I’ve walked past a bashed in car window and thought “Wow, that sucks!” It’s honestly brightened my day to see someone dealing with something like that and not me. So I guess that’s karma.

I describe my situation to the woman, who listens carefully, responds slowly, then transfers me.

I then talk to a gentlemen who explains that I’m not covered for vandalism.

“What about theft?”

“What was stolen? How much was it worth?”

“A couple audio books, I don’t know, I didn’t pay for them. Maybe 60 bucks?”

“We only cover electronics”

“They’re electronic accessories?”

He then tells me my deductible is so high so it won’t be worth me filing a claim, but I can lower my deductible if I want to.

“Will it cover this incident?”

“No. But if you like I can…” He trails off into full-on sales pitch mode. I’m reminded of cable. He explains that I can buy additional insurance that will cover any unforeseen events “Like break-ins or animals”

This begs so many questions, like why my insurance only covers things that are “foreseen”, but I move right past the break-ins to:

“Animals?”

“Like if a deer hits your car! You’d be surprised how often that happens”

“That wouldn’t be covered?”

“It’s not a collision.”

“Oh”

“Would you like a quote? Or I can transfer you and you can adjust your insurance”

“No, I just want someone who can help me fix my car”

I felt like yelling that last part.

“Okay, I’ll transfer you to Safelite”

Safelite wants me to explain the entire situation again, but I try to make it snappy.

“I just need to get my front passenger window fixed.”

“We don’t fix windows, just so you know. We only replace them”

“That’s what I meant, but thank you for the clarification.”

I go through a whole rigamarole with her, she can send someone Thursday, or I can take it into a shop on Friday.

“Nothing today?”

“Nope, would you like me to set up an appointment?”

“What am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“I don’t know...don’t leave anything in your car?”

Great. I call every glass shop in my neighborhood, all closed at 8 in the morning. Except for one guy who answered the phone and screamed “WHAT?”

And just when I was thinking that was a terrible business model, he told me I had the wrong number. I don’t think that was an excuse to not fix my window...but I’ve started having lower expectations of people.

Eventually I find someone who can fix my car before noon. Which is amazing. And I am so grateful to be able to emotionally and financially handle this event.

He did tell me not to leave so many clothes in my car, because ‘homeless people don’t care if it’s girl clothes, boy clothes, if it fits they’re cold! And then they’ll throw it away!” He was very enthusiastic about giving me advice that trust me was now 20/20 in hindsight. But he was sweet.

I had a suspicion that I kept too many things in my car...even if none of them were valuable, but now I see the errors of living like a slob.

He fixed my window and vacuumed my car! Which I had been meaning to do this weekend, so I feel like I came out ahead!

Lessons learned:

My insurance covers almost NOTHING! What am I paying for?

Crime doesn’t pay more than $50. Except that it might if it’s dark and you can run fast and someone with a poor shattered window won’t have the slightest clue who you are.

People who work customer service love to make you someone else’s problem.

Don’t keep shit in your car. Even free shit.

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Maybe this seemed like a lazy post...and that's perfectly fine with me. Sometimes you need to move on instead of go back and edit.