Breakfast Pasta and Mental Health Awareness

I'm not going to make Dan Dan Noodles because Liv orders them, not cooks them. So they don't come with brains or I'm just being lazy.

Instead I want to share with you one of my new favorite recipes: Breakfast Pasta.

I'll have you know that this started at a fancy restaurant. Okay fancy-ish, but expensive (!) restaurant.

Then, because I'm frequently out of marinara, or any pasta sauce for that matter, I decided to step it up from just butter. I fried an egg and added garlic.

Today, I pulled out all the stops. I added brains (crab), fake bacon, eggs and cilantro. And olive oil! I'm sure cheese would also be good on it.

This recipe is great in a pinch!

Simple, quick, full of protein and a little more creative than spaghetti. It won't win you a husband, but it will keep you fed for days straight. And not a lot of husbands do that, so stick with the recipe.

THE EPISODE

This is a weird episode. Liv hallucinating does add intensity to Major's reveal at the end of the episode. Which by the way, is the moment that made me fall even harder in love with this show. Re-watching the first season, all I can think is "The increasingly poor decisions of Major Lillywhite"...but this episode brings me back to my first experience of the show, when I backed Major hard. Every thing he did resonated with me as the 'right' thing to do. And not to sound like a fangirl, but his line at the end of the episode is the most perfect boyfriend line ever written.

"Zombies are real, Liv, and I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill them all"

It's perfect because this seems like the rational, good thing for your (former) boyfriend to be saying, but because we've grown to love Liv, it's HEARTBREAKING.

Oh, and I still don't get what happened with Liv poisoning Blaine. She didn't do it? She survived it? Bad fake-out, creators.

I wanted to write a story about mental illness, since that resonates with me.

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Don't look now, but someone is watching you. Turn your head slowly, slower than that. Take a look at that painting of the bird on the wall. He's to the left of it. The man that's watching you. Why is he watching you? What did you do?

What does he have under that big coat? Is he going to rob you? Is he going to serve you papers? Arrest you? What are you going to do when he decides to rob you?

That's right, look nervously at your feet. They don't have the answers. What are you going to do?

Pay for your coffee. Leave before he gets the chance. The waitress smiles at you as you hand her your tip. What does she have to smile about? What does she know that you don't? Leave before she has a chance to start a conversation.

Walk down the street. There are so many people out here. None of them look at you, pay attention to you. Look at the reflection in the shop window, make sure you're really there. Can people see you? No, there's your reflection. You're real.

You're supposed to meet your friend in an hour. You have some time since you ran out on your lunch. Wander into Bath and Bodyworks, try on some scents. You can smell extra good for your friend. Tester bottle for "Moonlight". What does Moonlight smell like? Whose job is it to decide that? Smell all these concoctions---this one smells like frosting...but this one...this one smells like Vanilla Cupcake...and this one smells like Moonlight, and this one Parisian Afternoon. Who? Why do you always do this alone? Who spends an afternoon in Bath and Bodyworks alone? Why are you such a freak? Why don't you have friends who will do this stuff with you? Shut up. You're about to hang out with your friend, remember? You can't be losing track of those things.

Text from your friend. She's so sorry, she has to cancel. Something came up. Something more important than you. Something too important to explain to you. And she's sorry? Sorry for what? That she doesn't actually want to hang out with you? She doesn't care about you and she's not sorry. If she were really sorry she wouldn't have canceled and she wouldn't have done it with a text. She would have invited you with her to whatever it was that was more important. If she wanted to hang out with you. She doesn't like you. None of your friends ever make time for you. They don't actually like you. They just keep you around as a tally on their facebook friends list. Don't they know how fragile you get?

Why are you so fucking fragile? You don't see your friend for one day and you fall apart for it? You think everyone hates you? Probably because you're such a baby about everything. No one wants to be friends with someone who isn't happy. No one.

You tear out of the store. The same rushing people on the street. All angry you're in their way. You're a waste of space.

I bet your friend is lying to you. Nothing came up. She's sitting at home laughing at you because she knew you would do this.

No, I bet she's hiding more than that. I bet she's screwing your boyfriend and used your supposed plans to make sure you wouldn't be home. I bet their both laughing at you. Laughing at you. Laughing at that fact that nobody likes you.

They wouldn't notice. You know they wouldn't notice if you disappeared. If you drove as fast as you could away from here. They wouldn't even text you to know you weren't around. No one would notice and no one would care.

But your boyfriend, he said he loved you. You should have known he was lying. Why would he lie about that? He's a liar and everyone wants to hurt you. They keep doing these things even though they know they are hurting you. Remember when he was on his phone the other night? You should have grabbed it, seen who he was texting. I think he had a waiver in his voice last time he said he loved you. I think it's gone. If he ever did love you. I don't know why but he's lying.

They're all faking it somehow. Everyone's fake and you're the one falling for it. Why are you such an idiot? Why do you let these things happen to you? Why do you always fall apart? What's wrong with you?

But no....

You want to disappear. And then he definitely won't love you. Because no one wants to love someone who is suicidal. You're alone. No one has time for your shit. I don't even want to hear your shit. I just want you to end it.

There's a feeling that bubbles under the surface, it comes to a boil at the slightest invocation. You don't know if it's true, in fact it's probably not, but you feel it so fully, you can't convince yourself it isn't real.